What is Cool?
Everything in that Picture is Cool
In the long history of the world man has tried to be cool and failed terribly on many occasions. Dudes wearing togas was not cool. Slavery was totally uncool. White powder wigs were definetly not cool. Puffy Shirts not so cool. It wasn't until the invention of the Pirate that man really started to grasp what is cool. Rum, babes, open sea, plunder. All good stuff, but we had only begun to scratch the surface of cool.
Then as was fortold by Jesus, the savior of man, A savior of Cool was born unto us.
The Fonz was cool. He was hip and awesome, and everyone needed to learn from his lesson in order to also be cool. Why even today the measurement for something being cool is taken in Mega-Fonzies. The Fonz brought with him the famous "Ayyyyyyy" which was amazing in its own right, but with the addition of two thumbs point upwards while your elbows were on level with your hips. Well the world was not ready for such coolness. But the living Legend forged onwards carving out new ways to be cool for future generations. Soon everyone wanted to be cool like the Fonz, but with all greatmen debate was sure to follow. Was the Fonz divine? How was something chosen to be cool? Did Fonzie do it because it was cool? Or was it cool because Fonzie did it? though a most pointless debate it may have set us back in our search coolness several years. But on the Horizon a new leader of coolness had emerged. With the Fonz already in place as the master cool and being cool. A new man would show us that Violence was also totally freaking cool.
Chuck Norris let everyone know that murder was cool. Guns, Kung Fu, and beard were all a man ever needed. It was his job to carry the Mantle of cool for future generations, until a new bearer would take the crown from him and allow Chuck to return to the thing he loved the most... Selling the total Gym. It was with heavy heart and furrowed beard that he passed on his title to the Man who carries it today.
Bruce Campbell stole the Title of Cool away from all previous holders with his Dashing appearance, rapier wit, and devestating one-liners. Bruce taught us that anyone could be cool... mind you not as cool as he. And now that we have our holy trinity of coolness we are left to wonder. What will happen on the day when Bruce Campbell tires of his throne and passes down his mantle, who will be the Next champion of cool? Well I think you already know.